Six years ago, I read a book about tying the Bible to today’s culture. In it, I have 142 highlights and 4 notes. If you want to make sense of the intersection of faith and culture, try reading…

Think Christianly: Looking at the Intersection of Faith and Culture

by Jonathan Morrow

“”Think Christianly, in a compelling and accessible way, equips Christians young and old to engage the culture winsomely, intelligently, and confidently.” – Chuck Colson Jonathan Morrow believes that only when Christians learn to present a compassionate, engaging, and informed voice to our culture can the church again become a place the world turns to for answers. Think Christianly gives church leaders practical tools for helping their congregations thoughtfully engage today’s cultural questions.””

The book’s chapters are interviews with different people about cultural topics. It’s broken into three sections: Understanding Our Intersection, Preparing To Engage, and Areas We Must Engage.

This is the first place I learned about the religion of many Americans—Moral Therapeutic Deism. What’s that?

“The dominant religion of today’s American teenager is Moralistic Therapeutic Deism (MTD), a concept developed by Smith and Denton. Not Protestantism, Catholicism, Islam, Judaism, or Buddhism. Regardless of their professed religion, here is what God looks like to the majority of American teenagers (and again, this sample includes those in conservative Protestant and evangelical churches):

• A God exists who created and orders the world and watches over human life on earth. 

• God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions. 

• The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself. 

• God does not need to be particularly involved in one’s life, except when God is needed to resolve a problem. 

• Good people go to heaven when they die. 

God is sort of a nebulous combination of divine butler and cosmic therapist. Smith summarized the approach to life that flows out of this belief system as “be nice and call on God if you need him.”

 It should go without saying that it is impossible to navigate the pressures and challenges of adolescent or adult life with such a feeble worldview. More importantly, this is hardly the vision for life that Jesus offers his would-be followers.”

That’s convicting. Am I looking at God like that?

“The simple fact is that core Christian beliefs, that is, a biblical worldview, are not guiding the vast majority of adult Christians. The numbers have not changed over the past thirteen years (for example, four national surveys in 1995, 2000, 2005, 2009). Only 9 percent of all American adults have a biblical worldview. And to be honest, these next six statements, which define a “biblical worldview,” are a thin substitute for the robustness of historic Christianity. 

1. Absolute moral truth exists. 

2. The Bible is totally accurate in all of the principles it teaches. 

3. Satan is considered to be a real being or force, not merely symbolic. 

4. A person cannot earn his or her way into heaven by trying to be good or do good works. 

5. Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth. 

6. God is the all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the world, and God still rules the universe today. 

When narrowing the focus, the news doesn’t get much better. Only 19 percent of professing “born again” Christians hold to a biblical worldview (a respondent would have had to agree that “they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life” and that “they believe they will go to heaven when they die because they have confessed their sins and have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior.”

“We must move beyond Sunday morning Christianity and learn how to speak in a compassionate, winsome, and informed voice to our culture, starting with the questions they are asking. As Everyday Ambassadors, we build bridges between cultural moments and the gospel of the kingdom.”

“”Culture is the environment and atmosphere in which we live and breathe with others.” That’s good. Philosopher Garry DeWeese helpfully unpacks this concept a bit more by defining culture as a “shared system of stories and symbols, beliefs and values, traditions and practices, and the media of communication that unite a people synchronically (at a given time) and diachronically (through history).” The most transferable way I have found to summarize what culture it comes from Andy Crouch: “Culture is what people make of the world.”

The following quote is timely even more today than when it was written a decade ago.

“Here are two suggestions. First, we need to stop being against everything — especially the media. While our viewpoints may not be fairly represented all the time, grumbling and complaining about it on camera will not change anything. Most Americans can tell you what Christians are against — usually homosexuals — but few could tell you what Christians are actually for, namely, truth, redemption, justice, and human flourishing. Second, as Christians we need to understand those we disagree with (and why), be fair in representing their positions (especially from the pulpit), and do our homework on the issues of our day (part 3 of this book will help). People may still disagree, but they will notice that our carefully considered convictions are based on clear thinking — which will help them see that Christianity is a thoughtful faith. Finally, our distinctions of culture, pop culture, and the world help us shape the appropriate response, given the particular cultural moment we find ourselves in. What we are against is the influence of the world system on culture. We need to abandon the sledgehammer mentality, which often causes collateral damage and unintended consequences, and instead adopt a surgical and tactical approach.”

This is just the start. Chapters cover thinking Christianly about all of life, becoming like the Jesus the world needs, Jesusanity versus Christianity, engaging our media-saturated culture, the good news about injustice, and many more. 

Writing this review makes me want to reread the book. I gave it 5 stars.

Playing with Fire: A Modern Investigation into Demons, Exorcism, and Ghosts; A Book Review

 I heard about this book on a podcast. With my curiosity about the supernatural aspects of Christianity, I had to get it. It even talks about ghosts, something I’ve wondered about. Written by former investigative reporter Billy Hallowell, the book is…

“What is our fascination with the other side?

Join investigative reporter Billy Hallowell as he delves into the strange phenomena of supernatural activity. Themes of demonic possession have overtaken Hollywood, with countless films and TV shows delving into the age-old struggle against evil. Why?

Yet, with so much focus on the topic, there seems to be very little public knowledge and discussion about the real-life nature and reality of demons.

In many foreign countries, however, supernatural activity is often recorded and discussed.

Government officials watch a nine-year-old boy walk up a wall

A sheriff hears a demonic voice over his radio

Doctors witness a child exhibit extra-human strength

It’s no surprise international media took note. Quite often, though, many people remain silent about their experiences or resort to quietly whispering about what they’ve seen, heard, or felt for fear of being labeled insane or crazy.

The truth is, even pastors, priests, and clergy who have observed firsthand accounts of possession and deliverance can succumb to the strange and terrifying effects of intense spiritual warfare.

For people of faith, Playing with Fire will address these core questions:

Are demons active today?

If they do, indeed, exist, what are they? Are they fallen angels? Nephilim?

Can demons inhabit human beings?

If they exist, what can be done to stop them?

Playing with Fire will explore the theological underpinnings surrounding demonic forces. Relying on firsthand accounts, newspaper reports, and Christian experts, Billy Hallowell will take readers through the various views and perspectives surrounding supernatural activity.”

I highlighted a lot in this book. It triggered blog posts. So what did I find so fascinating?

One quote, right off the bat, reminded me of the premise behind CharlesTaylor’s A Secular Age.

“Whether our militant atheist friends, or the village atheist, wants to admit it, most people—even in the West, even in the cultured post-enlightenment technological society West—most people find a materialistic,” the only thing that’s real is what my five senses can detect” worldview, completely unsatisfying.” he said.”

He is Dr. Michael Heiser in an interview with Hallowell. 

The book focuses heavily on exorcisms. Like where do demons tend to be?

“Regardless of the debate surrounding claims like Cranmer’s purported infestation, some experts like Pastor Chad Norris do report encountering these issues where locations—not just people—are deeply impacted by the demonic realm.” “What happens is, people cooperate with the demonic on the Earth [and] that draws them into specific locations,” Norris said. When asked if cases similar to Cranmer’s, where people have committed a concentration of evil activity, can cause demons to remain in place, Norris answered affirmatively. Others like the Reverend Benjamin McEntire also spoke about the prevalence of infestation, something that he said is “”extraordinarily common”” and more prevalent than full possession.” I’ve spoken to several exorcists who had very long careers . . . who all said that they dealt with the infestation of places, as a pretty much routine matter” he said,” “but then would only see a handful of cases that would meet the standard of possession over the course of their career as an exorcist.”

Interesting, isn’t it?

“A site that’s been used for pagan worship is another one,” he said. At the same time, if you’re dealing with a location that, let’s say is commonly used for drug deals, I would fully expect there to be something lingering around in that place.” He added that it’s a good idea to “pray through” locations such as hotel rooms, as the activities that unfold there could open doors for spiritual issues to linger.”

“Many pastors and theologians agree that one of the common mistakes people make when they suspect spiritual issues in their homes is to turn to ghost hunters, psychics, and other perceived spiritual experts. McEntire openly warned against this approach. “Many of the people who get involved in that actually do have a background in the occult, and it can actually strengthen the spirit’s hold in the place, he said.”

Don’t call any of the TV shows.

“As we explore these biblical accounts and the ramifications of playing with spiritual fire, Dr. Michael Heiser makes an essential and thought-provoking point worth keeping in mind: the Bible doesn’t necessarily give specific reasons why people become possessed. “We don’t have enough information in the New Testament to know why a person . . . was possessed,” he said. “We’re not really told their story. We’re just sort of confronted with, well, here’s where we wound up.” With that in mind, let’s explore how Jesus repeatedly confronted evil and delivered afflicted people of the demons that were actively impacting and destroying their lives.”

This is getting long, so I have to choose my quotes carefully.

“Spiritually speaking, most theologians and pastors agree that there are many ways in which playing with fire can usher in spiritual darkness. While most agree that full-on demonic possession is a rare phenomenon, it seems the deeper, more prevalent issue is oppression, which can arrive and manifest in a plethora of ways. There are those who are oppressed by darkness, and then there are those who have to fight off darkness because darkness is emerging to distract,” Rodriguez explained. “Darkness may not penetrate, it may not invade, but will attempt to distract.”

Now for my ghost questions. Like what are they? Is the underworld a different vibrational plane we can’t see but share with them?

“Author Ron Rhodes tackled this in his book, The Truth Behind Ghosts, Mediums, and Psychic Phenomena, when he said some mistakenly believe they have encountered ghosts when, in reality, they have communed with something far more sinister. People sometimes genuinely encounter a spirit entity—though not a dead human, Rhodes wrote. “Some people encounter demonic spirits who may mimic dead people in order to deceive the living (see 1 John 4:1; 1 Timothy 4:1–3). Many who claim to have encountered such spirit entities have some prior involvement in the occult.” If we back up a bit, it’s clear that one’s beliefs about what happens after death will have a direct and implicit impact on what he or she thinks about the potential existence of ghosts.”

“Regardless of speculation and debate over the idea or reality of real-life ghosts and hauntings, Wood made a related argument about the demonic realm that he and other experts believe is essential to this discussion. It’s a key tactic of demons to pretend to be someone that has died in order to gain more permission,” he said. “If it is . . . an entity that’s claiming to be a person that’s haunting, you need to treat it as the worst-case scenario. You need to treat it as a demon.” The key takeaway from this discussion is that the Bible definitively tells us there is a spiritual war unfolding and that Satan and his minions exist; the Bible does not, however, speak to the notion that people die and remain behind to haunt. Even in the case of Samuel, he needed to be summoned, and considering the events surrounding Saul and his decision to turn from God, the argument that the Lord simply allowed this contact—an incredibly narrow and rare act—is logically appealing.”

A warning on how culture influences us and the power influencing culture as we start to wrap up.

“Right now, nearly every arena of culture has been touched by spiritual disarray—and that includes the church. Christianity’s once-dominant place in society previously cultivated a scenario in which certain biblical values and perspectives were widely embraced or at least respected, even among atheists, agnostics, or the spiritually apathetic. But with the rapid secularization of culture has come an erosion of those values, as evidenced by the shocking statistics presented earlier in this chapter. Unfortunately, these negative changes are not simply limited to the general culture, as many Christians, too, have become deeply confused when it comes to the gospel, with strange and unbiblical beliefs seeping into the Christian conscience. On a theological level, this confusion is deeply troubling, with many believers shockingly taking their cues from the world around them rather than from Scripture—a world that the Bible tells us has become “blinded.”

“Here’s one startling statistic that should leave us nothing short of gasping for air: according to the Barna Group: “Only 17 percent of Christians who consider their faith important and attend church regularly actually have a biblical worldview” Yes, you read that correctly. Fewer than one in five devout Christians see the world through a clear spiritual lens—one that aligns with the Bible they claim to hold dear.”

The last quote, I promise.

“In addition to potentially causing us to miss some essential parts of the biblical narrative, ignoring the role and power of evil in our world also has other pitfalls, especially when it comes to processing God’s love. Having proper “category” for evil and good is essential to crafting human understanding, as Driscoll noted. “As a church, we need to be willing to have those categories of evil and holiness, because oftentimes God can get blamed for evil that happens if we don’t have those categories,” she said. So, the danger in that is, “Oh, God did this to me or God did that to me,” Driscoll continued, “No, we live in a fallen world with a very real enemy that loves to tempt and steal and kill and destroy, and so to have those categories is very helpful because then we also can have tools, the armor of God in Ephesians 6, to fight against the enemy’s tactics. But if we don’t have those categories, it kind of gets lumped into God, and it’s not him.”

It’s a good book. I only scratched the surface. It’s heavily footnoted, including a story about a woman who was demon-possessed that a local news station in my state covered. 

5 stars. Get it, and have your paradigm shifted.

The Case For Miracles; A Book Review

 After walking through the evidence, theology, and philosophy of the Bible, I began to look more at the supernatural aspects. A journey I’m still on. I’ve often said we’ve taken the magic out of the world. 

Former atheist and investigative reporter, Lee Strobel, investigates to see if it’s gone or if it never left. 

“Lee Strobel trains his investigative sights on whether it’s credible to believe God intervenes supernaturally in people’s lives today.

This book starts with an unlikely interview in which America’s foremost skeptic builds a seemingly persuasive case against the miraculous. But then Strobel travels the country to quiz scholars to see whether they can offer solid answers to atheist objections. Along the way, he encounters accounts of healings and other phenomena that simply cannot be explained away by naturalistic causes. The book features the results of exclusive new scientific polling that shows miracle accounts are much more common than people think.

What’s more, Strobel delves into the most controversial question of all: what about miracles that don’t happen? If God can intervene in the world, why doesn’t he do it more often to relieve suffering?”

I have the hard copy, so instead of quotes, I’ll go over the table of contents. 

Strobel first interviews Dr. Michael Shermer of Skeptic magazine for the case against miracles. For thirty-four pages, the case is built against them.

Following that is an interview with Dr. Craig S. Keener. Keener wrote a heavily-footnoted two-volume set titled Miracles: The Credibility of the New Testament Accounts. That’s a total of 1,172 pages and 620,000 words. 

To say he knows his stuff is an understatement. He makes a case for miracles. 

In Part 3, Lee interviews Dr. Candy Gunther Brown and Missionary Tom Doyle on Miracles’ Science and Dreams and Visions. 

Part 4 is about the most spectacular miracles. Strobel interviews Dr. Michael G. Strauss about the miracle of creation, the universe, and the planet. Then he interviews my favorite detective, J. Warner Wallace, on the Resurrection. 

Then he addresses the difficulties of miracles. The Embarrassed by the Supernatural chapter where he interviews Dr. Roger E. Olson is a good one. In fact, I’ll type this passage on pages 221-222.

“I asked Olson if there’s one word that could summarize why a lot of evangelical Christians seem embarassed by the supernatural.

He gave it some thought and then said, “Respectability.”

“Why that word?” I asked.

“Evangelicals in general are trying to live down our past,” he replied. “We’re very aware of Hollywood’s version of us-the oddball preacher, the phony faith healer, the hypermotivational revivalist, the money-grubbing hypocrite. We want to run from those depictions. We want our neighbors to see us as normal people who aren’t very different from them. We are desperate to fit in.”

“So,” I said, “we divorce ourselves from the supernatural, since it seems odd to the world.” 

“That’s right. We want to show that we’re cultured and refined, that we’re not gullible or superstitious, that we’re not like the over-the-top fanatics that our neighbors see on television. In fact,” he added, “my experience is that the richer and more educated evangelicals become, the less likely they are to really expect miracles to happen.”

I’ll say again, it’s an excellent chapter. The next chapter is an interview with Dr. Douglas R. Groothuis on when miracles don’t happen. 

He doesn’t speak from a podium but from the trenches. His wife is dying, and her mind is slipping from fibromyalgia. They’re seeking a miracle that hasn’t happened. It’s personal.

That’s the closing interview of the book. I give it 5 stars and wrote this on Goodreads. “Easy to read and very clear. Lee starts by interviewing skeptic Michael Shermer to build a case against miracles. Then he interviews people to build the case for miracles, even touching on when prayers aren’t answered.

Overall a very good book.”

Mere Christianity; A Book Review

 What is the number one bestseller in Christian Literature and Art? Is it from a hot new author? Nope.

It’s a book written by an Englishman who gave a series of radio broadcasts during WWII that became a book. A book that has influenced countless people and the go-to recommended reading for Christians.

“Mere Christianity is C.S. Lewis’s forceful and accessible doctrine of Christian belief. First heard as informal radio broadcasts and then published as three separate books – The Case for Christianity, Christian Behavior, and Beyond Personality – Mere Christianity brings together what Lewis saw as the fundamental truths of the religion. Rejecting the boundaries that divide Christianity’s many denominations, C.S. Lewis finds a common ground on which all those who have Christian faith can stand together, proving that “at the center of each there is something, or a Someone, who against all divergences of belief, all differences of temperament, all memories of mutual persecution, speaks the same voice.”

In the chapter called the Invasion, where Lewis contrasts Christianity with Dualism, he says this:

“The difference is that Christianity thinks this Dark Power was created by God, and was good when he was created, and went wrong. Christianity agrees with Dualism that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion, and that we are living in a part of the universe occupied by the rebel.

Enemy-occupied territory—that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage. When you go to church you are really listening in to the secret wireless from our friends: that is why the enemy is so anxious to prevent us from going.”

Makes going to church feel more dangerous and adventurous, doesn’t it? In other countries, it is dangerous.

In the Perfect Penitent chapter, he writes about repentance in the best way I’ve heard it. 

“In other words, fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying your sorry, realizing that you’ve been on the wrong track and getting ready to start your life again from the ground floor-that is the only way out of our ‘hole’. This process of surrender-this movement full speed astern-is what Christians call repentance.”

In the section on morality, Lewis explains why we have moral rules.

“In reality, moral rules are directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, or a strain, or a friction in the runnong of that machine.”

I’m struggling to find quotes that won’t become articles in themselves. Here’s one on “loving in the Christian sense.”

“Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of.”

In his theology section, I highlighted this quote. 

“Once a man is united with God, how could he not live forever? Once a man is separated from God, what can he do but wither and die?”

Later he borrows a parable from George MacDonald that I really enjoy about being a Christian. 

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

I’ll end with that quote. This book is vibrant and in-depth. I just barely scratched the surface of its pages. It can be read time and again, and you’ll find something new. 

It’s a mere Christianity that all denominations agree with. The hall that connects all the rooms that they stay in. If I were to recommend only one book other than the Bible to a person, it would be Mere Christianity. 

For that, it gets six stars of 5.

The Search for Significance; A Book Review

Years ago, my wife was given a book to read. She never finished it. I did, though, at a time I needed it most. I felt utterly worthless. That book is…

“Robert McGee’s best-selling book has helped millions of readers learn how to be free to enjoy Christ’s love while no longer basing their self-worth on their accomplishments or the opinions of others. In fact, Billy Graham said that it was a book that “should be read by every Christian.”

In this re-launch of this timeless classic, you will:

Gain new skills for getting off the performance treadmill

Discover how four false beliefs have negatively impacted your life

Learn how to overcome obstacles that prevent you from experiencing the truth that your self-worth is found only in the love, acceptance, and forgiveness of Christ.”

One of Casey’s highlights reads:

“When we base our security on success and others’ opinions, we become dependent on our abilities to perform and please others. We develop a have-to mentality: I have to do well on this exam (or my security as a good student will be threatened)…” pg 23

“We don’t have to have success or anyone else’s approval. Of course, it would be nice to have success and approval, but the point is clear that Christ is the source of our security; Christ is the basis of our worth; Christ is the only one who promises and never fails.” pg 24

The author then examines four false beliefs, their consequences, and God’s solution for them. 

The Performance Trap’s striving to meet specific standards to feel good about themselves. This leads to perfectionism, fear of failure, manipulation to achieve success, etc. God’s answer? 

“Justification means that God not only has forgiven me of my sins but also granted me the righteousness of Christ. Because of justification, I bear Christ’s righteousness, and I am therefore fully pleasing to the Father (Romans 5:1).” pg 27

The Approval Addict’s desire to be approved by certain others leads to fear of rejection. It attempts to please others at any cost, among other things. It sounded like when I was in school. It looks a lot like social media.

God’s answer is Reconciliation. 

“Reconciliation means that although I was at one time hostile toward God and alienated from Him, I am now forgiven and have been brought into an intimate relationship with Him. Consequently, I am totally accepted by God (Col. 1:21-22).” pg 27

The Blame Game thinks that those who fail (including themselves) are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. They fear punishment, punish others, and blame others for their personal failure in the drive to avoid failure. 

God’s answer…

“Propitiation means that by His death on the cross Christ satisfied God’s wrath; therefore, I am deeply loved by God (1 John 4:9-11).” pg 27

Shame feels like they cannot change and are hopeless. God’s answer…

“Regeneration means that I am a new creation in Christ (John 3:3-6).” pg 27

It’s a combination of workbook and book, so if any of these resonate with you, I urge you to get the book. Work through the issues. 

I give this book 4 stars. 

When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People; A Book Review

 The book we’re closing February out with is a relationship book. Except, it’s about knowing when to walk away from toxic people. Recently, it seems to have resurged in popularity at my church. 

That book is…

“Your life’s calling is too important to let toxic people take it away. When to Walk Away draws from biblical and modern stories to equip you to handle toxic people in your life and live true to your God-given purpose. 

As Christians, we often feel the guilt and responsibility of meeting the needs of unhealthy people in our lives. Whether a sibling, parent, spouse, coworker, or friend, toxic people frequently seek to frustrate our life’s calling. While you’re seeking first God’s kingdom, they’re seeking first to distract your focus and delay your work. 

Instead of attempting the impossible task of mollifying toxic people, it’s time we dedicate our energy to the only worthwhile effort: completing the work God has given us by investing in reliable people. It’s only when we learn to say no to bad patterns that we can say yes to the good work God has planned for us. 

Drawing from years serving as a pastor, Gary Thomas (bestselling author of Sacred Marriage) looks at biblical examples from the lives of Jesus, Paul, and Nehemiah to give you insightful, biblical takeaways that you can apply right away. You’ll discover how to:

Learn the difference between difficult people and toxic people.

Find refuge in God when you feel under attack.

Discern when to walk away from a toxic situation

Keep a tender heart even in unhealthy relationships.

Grow your inner strength and invest in reliable people.

We can’t let others steal our joy or our mission. It’s time to strengthen our defense, learn to set healthy boundaries, and focus on our God-given purpose. It’s time to know When to Walk Away.”

Another book raised a bit of cognitive dissonance inside me when I read it in 2019. That was a year I was really struggling with burnout at times. 

Let’s get to the quotes. It’s a Kindle book, so I highlighted a lot. 

Who’s a toxic person?

“If someone is getting in the way of you becoming the person God created you to be or frustrating the work God has called you to do, for you that person is toxic.”

“The challenge is that there’s no one exhaustive definition of a toxic person. Certain traits are common: They are often ruled by selfishness and spite. They are usually draining instead of encouraging, and they use people instead of loving them. They are often seemingly addicted to self-righteous, rash judgments and thus frequently fight with people instead of enjoying and appreciating people. They may be jealous of healthy people’s peace, family, and friendships and spend much of their time and effort trying to bring people down to their level of misery rather than blessing others with joy and encouragement. They often want to control you, and it may feel as if they just want you to stop being you.”

What would Jesus do?

“Sometimes Jesus walked away from others who wanted more of him. On still other occasions, he retreated for his own refreshment and renewal or protection. The point is that Jesus didn’t let the needs, pleas, attacks, or unresponsiveness of others distract him from the mission given to him by his heavenly Father.”

“Here’s the principle that comes from that: Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us.”

“…the principle is clear: when truth is rejected, spend your time on those who will receive it instead of begging closed-hearted people to reconsider.”

“Jesus wasn’t moved by either standing ovations or jeering ridicule. He was truly Lord of his life. Neither should we allow the neediness of others or the toxicity of others to determine where, when, and how we spend our time. Neediness can be a subtle form of toxicity. Our spiritual radar goes way up when someone forcefully attacks us, but a passive-aggressive neediness can slip in unawares and steal our attention even more effectively than a full-frontal assault. If someone is trying to control you, that itself is toxic. Whether they use force or guilt, direct attack or unreasonable neediness (“You’re the only one who can help me, and you have to help me now”), it’s still all about control. Controlling someone (or letting yourself be controlled) is wrong.”

This is only 12% through the book. At the 49% mark, there’s this reminder:

“God is radically for people. He wants everyone to come to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4). As his followers, we also must be for everyone, even if we oppose what they’re doing. If we must live and work with toxic people, our call is to make sure their toxicity doesn’t become ours. We don’t treat them as they treat us. We don’t offer evil in exchange for evil. We love. We serve. We guard our hearts so that we are not poisoned by their bad example.”

Remember that the next time you post or scroll through social media.

I’ll close with this quote about why Christians are mean.

“Dallas Willard was once asked why Christians are so mean. He responded by saying that Christians tend to be mean to the degree that they value being right over being like Christ. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, of course, but we can make them that way when instead of receiving the words of Jesus and the writings of Paul as love letters from God to those who are chosen and loved, we use them as verbal weapons to wage war against people who don’t yet believe. I don’t want you to rush by that last sentence. God’s directives and “rules” in the New Testament aren’t intended to be verbal grenades that we lob at people who don’t believe. When someone doesn’t accept Jesus’ authority, we can’t expect them to listen to what the Bible teaches. When God has won over our hearts, we understand that his revealed words regarding appropriate behavior are birthed in love and ultimately given for our best interests. We won’t love God’s words until we first love God, so keep first things first. Taunting people even with the truth can become toxic in a controlling sort of way. It’s still taunting. Methods matter.”

The book deals with when others are toxic and when you’re unhealthy. 5 stars. Now I have to reread it. My reread pile is as big as my to-read pile.

Thriving in Love and Money; A Book Review

 My wife and I don’t have very many intense discussions. We rarely argue. Yet when we do, it’s the same topic.

Money.

I’m sure it’s the same for most. Enough so that Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn were asked to write this book we’ll look at today. I learned of it on the Love Like You Mean It cruise when they spoke. That book is…

“Over 90 percent of couples experience some level of tension around money. In fact, money issues are the number one stressor in relationships. So many books try to fix the surface problems, such as how to budget and what to prioritize when it comes to finances, but the issues go much deeper than just a simple spreadsheet.

How do men and women view money differently? What do most couples fight about? How can they get on the same page? What questions should men/women ask their significant others before marriage? There are emotional and spiritual components to finances that most couples ignore. How can you agree on a budget if you disagree with each other on the basic purpose of money?

Thriving in Love and Money is based on original research Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have conducted to get to the heart of these issues. And just as they did with their bestselling books For Women Only and For Men Only, they will use this research to provide the answers and insights you need to break the tension and provide the unity you’re looking for. Let this book deepen your understanding of each other, leading to clear communication, peace as a couple, and better financial decision-making.”

I got the Kindle version, so there are 21 notes and 109 highlights. I’ll try to keep the quoting to a minimum. Let’s set the stage.

“When we have conflict around money, it’s not about the money. Otherwise, on financial issues, rich people would never fight! Instead, it’s about things under the surface that we don’t even realize are there. How money makes us feel. Insecurities and fears. How we process things—and how our spouse does.”

“Here’s the key: If you aren’t thriving in the “love” part of love and money, it will be difficult to come together enough to do the “money” part well.”

“The reason we’re trying to understand one another is not only to draw closer, but so we can: (1) build a financial cushion, and (2) talk and come together about money.”

You’ve probably heard that one person is typically the spender and the other is the saver in a relationship. It goes deeper than that. 

“One of the most basic but crucial secrets to thriving in love and money is to look for and honor the reason your spouse feels the way they do.”

There are stories in there that match what Casey and I do. One game-changer that successfully married couples do is, in the budget, they both have a set amount to spend. 

That’s their money to do what they want with. I call it our allowance or personal money. My wife Casey’s usually goes towards food. Mine is mostly comic books and regular books.  

When it’s out for the month, it’s out. Which is usually when the stress starts.

“Kyle and Shara’s solution was similar to ones we heard in multiple interviews with thriving couples. Couples who designate a pot of money that each spouse can spend however they like were much more likely to be happy in their marriage. More on that in the “what do we do about it” part of this chapter.”

“A common solution we heard is to give general freedom under a certain purchase amount, while agreeing to consult each other for purchases over that amount.”

One more quote, then I’ll go over an insight that I discussed with Casey. 

“Tip #1: Next time you’re at odds, assume there’s a reason and ask, “Is this a value thing?” Ask yourself: Is this something that matters to my spouse that I am just not seeing—or not valuing? Or maybe even, is there something here that matters to me that’s being triggered, that I might not be aware of? And more to the point: How can I understand my spouse without judging them—even if I don’t agree?”

According to their studies, men stress about providing, even if they have six-digit salaries. Women worry about keeping the family together and their relationships current.

Casey said “amen” to this.

For example, a frugal man would grill out while the wife would get takeout so they can spend time together. They’ll spend money to do it, which causes the circle of stress to continue.

In fact, women would deal with more financial stress if it meant her husband didn’t have to work as much or bring in less money.

Which is good since I have FOMO with my family. Quality time is my love language, after all, especially now that I have a son. 

If you’re arguing about money, it’s a sticky subject, or you just want to improve your marriage any way you can, get this book.

5 stars.