The Patterns of Bad Bible Dads

 While there are good Bible dads, there are more who messed up. We’re going to look at a few individuals and the patterns they fell into. 

Has anyone ever said, “Do as I say, not as I do?” Have you said it? 

Well we shouldn’t say that because kids have hypocrisy detectors and will copy your behavior. It’s why we have generational dysfunction. 

Abraham was worried he would be killed and his wife taken. “Abraham introduced his wife, Sarah, by saying, “She is my sister.” So King Abimelech of Gerar sent for Sarah and had her brought to him at his palace.” Genesis 20:1-3

God was ticked and threatened the king in a dream. He gave her back. Fast forward to Isaac, Abraham’s son, as an adult. 

“When the men who lived there asked Isaac about his wife, Rebekah, he said, “She is my sister.” He was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “They will kill me to get her, because she is so beautiful.” But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah.

Immediately, Abimelech called for Isaac and exclaimed, “She is obviously your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’?”

“Because I was afraid someone would kill me to get her from me,” Isaac replied.

“How could you do this to us?” Abimelech exclaimed. “One of my people might easily have taken your wife and slept with her, and you would have made us guilty of great sin.”

Then Abimelech issued a public proclamation: “Anyone who touches this man or his wife will be put to death!” Genesis 26:7-11

It happened in the same area! Different king, though, probably the first one’s son. In Abraham’s case, it was a half-truth. In Isaac’s, a total lie. Rebekah wasn’t his sister. 

Let’s look at Jacob. The dude played favorites. Joseph was his favorite. He was spoiled and a brat at that, always telling on his brothers. Of course, they hated him for it.

They did mess up a lot, but they learned from him. Jacob was deceitful from the beginning.

They planned to kill Joseph and decided to sell him instead, while another plotted to rescue him to get in their dad’s good graces. But, unfortunately, he was too late, so they told their dad his favorite kid was dead and watched him descend into grief for decades. 

His last words to three of them were particularly telling of the kids he raised. 

“”Reuben, you are my firstborn, my strength,

    the child of my vigorous youth.

    You are first in rank and first in power.

But you are as unruly as a flood,

    and you will be first no longer.

For you went to bed with my wife;

    you defiled my marriage couch.

“Simeon and Levi are two of a kind;

    their weapons are instruments of violence.

May I never join in their meetings;

    may I never be a party to their plans.

For in their anger they murdered men,

    and they crippled oxen just for sport.

A curse on their anger, for it is fierce;

    a curse on their wrath, for it is cruel.”

Reuben, Simeon, and Levi…dude. There is more to the story of the latter two and mass murder. It was a failure on Jacob’s part to protect or avenge his daughter.

The whole story is in Genesis 34. His daughter Dinah went to visit friends and was raped by a Hivite ruler’s son. His dad went to Jacob and asked if his son could marry Jacob’s daughter.

Understandably, her brothers were ticked. So through a deceitful plan, they razed the city, killing him and his family along with everyone else. 

What did Jacob say?

“Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me by making me obnoxious to the Canaanites and Perizzites, the people living in this land. We are few in number, and if they join forces against me and attack me, I and my household will be destroyed.”

But they replied, “Should he have treated our sister like a prostitute?” Genesis 34:30-31

Simeon and Levi took that too far but were partially correct, in my opinion. But, unfortunately, Jacob failed to defend her, a pattern that King David followed, and his kingdom split over it. 

In 2 Samuel 13, this incident is recounted. 

“In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the King’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.'”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the King came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the King; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the King wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.

When King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the King’s sons to come there. Absalom went to the King and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the King and his attendants please join me?”

“No, my son,” the King replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go but gave him his blessing.

Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us.”

The King asked him, “Why should he go with you?” But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the King’s sons.

Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the King’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.

While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.” The King stood up, tore his clothes, and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.

But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the King should not be concerned about the report that all the King’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.” 

David, like Jacob, was negligent with training his kids. He did nothing to Amnon for raping his daughter. Her brother did, but unlike Levi and Simeon, he only killed the one.

Absalom later took over the kingdom and had sex with his father’s concubines on the palace’s roof. Much like Reuben. 

I wonder if this is why Absalom’s brother Solomon wrote the proverb that you’ll spoil them if you don’t discipline the child.

Let’s recap the patterns: 

1. Kids will do what you do, not what you say in the long run.
2. Do not play favorites nor neglect them.
3. Don’t be afraid to defend your kids.
4. Discipline your kids.

I bet you didn’t know some of this was in the Bible, did you?

Good Bible Dads: Joseph

 Our last good Bible dad wasn’t even a biological dad. He was a stepdad, the often unsung heroes who step up when the real fathers aren’t there. 

Joseph was the stepdad of God’s son, Jesus.

Imagine that responsibility. 

He was a craftsman in a small town, pledged to be married to Mary. So when she got pregnant, everyone’s first thought wasn’t an act of God. Instead, the Torah said she should’ve been stoned for it. 

Joseph was a good dude, though. 

“Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.” Matthew 1:19

Because if he wasn’t the father, someone was. Imagine the surprise when he found out who.

“As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet:

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child!

    She will give birth to a son,

and they will call him Immanuel,

    which means ‘God is with us.'”

When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.”

God wanted him to take care of His son, who would save Israel? No pressure. 

Here we see a pattern with Joseph—obedience and sacrifice. He obeyed God at the cost of his reputation. As a result, Jesus would be considered illegitimate. 

Not long after, they had to go to Bethlehem, and Jesus was targeted by an insane king. 

“After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother,” the angel said. “Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

That night Joseph left for Egypt with the child and Mary, his mother, and they stayed there until Herod’s death. This fulfilled what the Lord had spoken through the prophet: “I called my Son out of Egypt.” Matthew 2:13-15

He had to leave his home and support network, and he did it immediately—obedience and sacrifice for his stepson. 

You may think, “Well, that’s God’s kid, of course he did such a good job.” But, think about this: how often do you do even the smallest thing God tells you? We even have the Holy Spirit to enable us.

Joseph didn’t. 

“When Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt. “Get up!” the angel said. “Take the child and his mother back to the land of Israel, because those who were trying to kill the child are dead.”

So Joseph got up and returned to the land of Israel with Jesus and his mother. But when he learned that the new ruler of Judea was Herod’s son Archelaus, he was afraid to go there. Then, after being warned in a dream, he left for the region of Galilee. So the family went and lived in a town called Nazareth. This fulfilled what the prophets had said: “He will be called a Nazarene.” Matthew 2:19-23

Joseph, by his example, taught Jesus sacrifice, obedience, and his trade as a carpenter. He was righteous and clearly loved his family and wife. Joseph was a good Bible dad.

Good Bible Dads: Joshua

 Last week we learned about a super-righteous and loving dad, Job. This week we’ll see the same traits except wrapped in a courageous warrior. Who?

Joshua, son of Nun. 

He was Moses’ right-hand during the Exodus when the Israelites left. Joshua followed Moses up Mt. Sinai when he got the Ten Commandments.

He also wanted more of God. Moses had set up a tent where he would meet with God, and Joshua was part of that. It wasn’t enough, though.

“Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Afterward Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him, Joshua son of Nun, would remain behind in the Tent of Meeting.” Exodus 33:11

He would have his own conversations with God. Joshua was godly, not relying on Moses’ relationship with God but having his own as well. A lesson that simply taking your kids to church isn’t enough.

We have to be involved and live it out ourselves. Seeking God every day of the week. 

When it came time to survey the Promised Land, Joshua was one of the ones sent in out of twelve. They found strong armies and giants. This terrified all but two of them. But, they knew the God they served.

“Two of the men who had explored the land, Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, tore their clothing. They said to all the people of Israel, “The land we traveled through and explored is a wonderful land! And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. Do not rebel against the Lord, and don’t be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the Lord is with us! Don’t be afraid of them!” Numbers 14:6-9

Because the entire encampment rebelled and refused to go in, God said, they will never see the land. So instead, they will die in the wilderness over the course of 40 years—all but two. 

“For the Lord had said of them, “They will all die in the wilderness.” Not one of them survived except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun.” Numbers 26:65

“The only exceptions are Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite and Joshua son of Nun, for they have wholeheartedly followed the Lord.'” Numbers 32:12

With all their being, they followed the Lord. Nothing would stop them. Honestly, they were the only ones who got to enter the Promised Land of the Egyptian generation. Not even Moses got to do that. 

You know, as I type this, I’m reminded how much of a good dude Caleb was too. 

He was 85 when he got his part of the land and took it over (Joshua 14:10-15). He gave his daughter land and springs of water as well (Joshua 15:13-19).

Back to Joshua. They took a land that still had a few of the Canaanites left. Their influence was still there, and it would cost them, as you’ll see in the book of Judges. 

When the temptation to stray from God surrounded them, Joshua stood firm and laid down this challenge.

“But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

That’s the call dads should give to culture and society now. That’s why Joshua was a good Bible Dad. 

Which god will you serve? Money, position, ideology, power, nationalism, self, which one? As for my family and me, we will serve the Lord.

Will you say the same?

Good Bible Dads: Job

 Since it’s June, I thought I would do a series on dads in the Bible. You would think I would have a lot of good examples. But, unfortunately, I could only really think of three: Job, Joshua, and Joseph. 

Heh, there’s a pattern with the names. 

The last post of the month will be patterns of bad fathers in the Bible. Unfortunately, there is a lot of that. 

Let’s start with Job. He was a good dude. How good? Only two other people in the Old Testament could stand by his side in terms of righteousness. 

“There once was a man named Job who lived in the land of Uz. He was blameless—a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil.” Job 1:1

“Son of man, suppose the people of a country were to sin against me, and I lifted my fist to crush them, cutting off their food supply and sending a famine to destroy both people and animals. 14 Even if Noah, Daniel, and Job were there, their righteousness would save no one but themselves, says the Sovereign Lord.” Ezekiel 14:13-14

Job lived in the time of the patriarchs before there were any Jews, same as Noah. Yet they are mentioned, technically Gentiles, thousands of years later by God as being righteous. 

Job loved his family. 

I hear and read about how people pray for their kids every day. I’d love to say I have that discipline. 

“Job’s sons would take turns preparing feasts in their homes, and they would also invite their three sisters to celebrate with them. When these celebrations ended—sometimes after several days—Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, “Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular practice.” Job 1:4-5

He was worried about their spiritual future. So he took steps to make sure they had a relationship with God. He petitioned for their forgiveness daily. 

Then he lost all of his kids. He went through hell. Job is a good book for sufferers who want to think through it. Some prefer the laments in Psalms; I like Job, though it’s hard. 

Later, he had more kids. Then he did something extremely rare at that time. 

“He also gave Job seven more sons and three more daughters. He named his first daughter Jemimah, the second Keziah, and the third Keren-happuch. In all the land no women were as lovely as the daughters of Job. And their father put them into his will along with their brothers.“

It was a time where women weren’t considered equal, and the male heirs got the inheritance. Job ignored it and gave part of his wealth to his daughters. 

It wasn’t made into law until Numbers 27 and in the case of there being no sons to pass your inheritance to. Job was ahead of his time. 

What lessons for being a dad can you learn from Job?